Is She Still There???

Is She Still There???

She kept asking over and over. Is she still there? Is anyone left inside that can help find her? Any signs of life left? Almost as though she's laid lifeless for so long that her heartbeat kept getting more and more faint.
Is she still there after all that life has beaten her down with? After the loss, the regrets, abandonment, divorce, the insurmountable pain and the fear that lingered whispering constantly. The pressures coming from every which direction...society, family, church, social media,.....herself! It was all too much to bear at times.
Suddenly a jolt of a rapid heart beat would rise every now and again and brain activity would fire and in those moments she was in her happy place again usually playing with her children and making them laugh or sitting still by the water's edge and reminiscing times past.
Isolation?...Some would say, but she would say solitude, prayer and satori.

There is nothing better than to know thyself. Romans 12:3-8 New Living Translation (NLT)
³ Because of the privilege and authority^[a] God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.^{[b] 4} Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, ⁵ so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.
⁶ In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. ⁷ If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. ⁸ If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

But to know thyself is tough stuff am I right??? It reminds me of the scene on the movie Hope Floats where Harry Connick Jr. says to Sandra Bullock "It's not for sissy's ya know?...Dining alone. You gotta be made of some pretty stern stuff to be able to do that. See the trick is you gotta seem mysterious like the choice is yours" Learning who you are and what makes you do the things you do is super tough stuff. It's NOT for sissy's! And the choice is yours. You can act like it's all been done to you or you can rest awhile after the last blow to your heart and brush yourself off and get up and do something about it. Let your pain become your inspiration.
Don't become what you hate, what you see that causes the pain see the potential, see the life, see the light God has put everywhere.
Is she still there? Can she be revived? Will she ever walk again? Will she ever talk again? Will the weight and impact of what has taken place be too much for her heart to endure or is it possible that she'll ever breathe and love  and dream again?
When it all goes south and the losses continue and the changes don't stop. When the world refuses to stop spinning for your broken heart don't lose hope, don't lose courage because there is a shift that is about to happen. So hold steady and watch God move the circumstances to meet you where you are at. Watch as He, the protector and provider, the one who does care about your every detail opens doors and moves mountains for you. Watch as He guides you through the darkest, yuckiest places and out into the light. Remember in the darkness is where the growth happens.

Let God lead you through the darkness and show you His light that is transforming. I pray that you will be able to allow yourself the necessary time to get to know you and learn how to just be.

She IS still there, her pulse is getting stronger, she needs some rest and solitude and she will stay with us. She's stronger than she knows. She's got this!

Thanks for reading.


Blessings on your and yours,

Sarah

Time goes by so fast in each of our lives. One minute we're stressing over the planning of our "Big Day" only for it to flash by in a blink... and only photographs to remind us. The next minute we're figuring out careers, raising kids, doing our job to adult and provide for ourselves or our families however that meets you where you are at. For some of us a day comes where our entire world implodes...and only photographs remain to remind us of what once was.
There's only a few things I can think of that cause the kind of implosion I'm meaning...Tragedy, Death, Divorce, Accidents, Abuse, Neglect.
Then comes the day where planning how to live now happens. Discovering a new kind of place between you and God to live and find safety from the loud talking, the whispers, judgmental eyes from those well meaning who have absolutely no idea what fires you have just walked through. But God promises to deliver! To resurrect BEAUTY from these ASHES! Just like the Phoenix bird, something beautiful flying up from the ashes. Only God can make sense of the confusing nonsense and even then sometimes I'm not sure we always get the answers we're hoping for. "There are just some things in life you won't understand" and "Never waste time trying to understand selfish people because you'll kill yourself trying and you can't" said my mom all too many times. Who knew that her words were preparing me for life? (haha)

It never ceases to amaze me how we as Christians treat one another. We find our comfortable clique and help and do for each other but we forget there is an entire church waiting in need of our gifts. What is truly amazing is how we beat up the broken and worn and kick them when they are down. The weapon of choice we so often use is....wait for it...OUR WORDS.

At times I'd like to find a different way to tell people that I love God rather than throwing myself into the basket of "I'm a Christian" which all too many times I've watched as immediately the person on the other side is cringing and can't wait to leave this conversation ha! We do that don't we? We act like we're set above and somehow so much better or different rather than sharing LOVE. Love in its entirety....the action part, the verb.

The past five years have wiped me out, tried to take me out, knocked me down, drowned me and left me cold and alone to figure it out. There is no book on how to walk step by step through this. There are great guidelines and phenomenal authors who have written incredible suggestions but no one person goes through this life exactly the same. Grief is a crazy thing that calls us to dance with it when the implosions happen. There are some things you just shouldn't fight. To name a few....your mother's words, your father's instruction, your best friends suggestion, your children's attention, and God's leading.

So be help to those you see because what you don't see is that each and every one is fighting some kind of battle.
Stand up from the rubble and raise up your hands exchange those ashes for something beautiful and remember that the beautiful mess is well worth the gift coming.

Isaiah 61:3

-Sarah Renee'

Courage

It's been awhile so let's see if I can do this
Here we go!
It seems that through countless situations that continue to come into my life Courage is the one thing that I remain afraid of and yet I love to embrace it...(insert giggle) So how is that? Well Courage by definition is:

cour·age  

/ˈkərij/

Noun The ability to do something that frightens one. Strength in the face of pain or grief.

Synonyms bravery - valour - valor - pluck - gallantry - nerve How come it is such a hard thing to show, to grasp, to let free? I think there are many answers to this but mine would be just a few of these> We are afraid of falling and having the world see the mud on our face, of failing and not trying again, of what someone will think of us-will we be rejected by those we love if we stand and they disagree?... If we show our Courage, if we take that step...then what? I'm being constantly challenged in this area. Each major decision takes Courage! Every step towards my future takes Courage. I've noticed that when I stop worrying about what the world thinks of me and I focus on that still-small-voice inside, I set my eyes on God and what matters to Him...then the sound of the crowd dies down and my focus becomes clearer and my Courage rises up! It was just over 2 years ago I remember we were facing a few family and friends telling them we would be buying a new house. There was no sign in the world that this would come true but we knew it would. Faith comes in handy here! ;) You know...the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen! But that's a whole other story for later. It was Courage that let us stand up and say it knowing that people would judge, make fun of or cheer. The same moment when we decided to get debt free in a year and then again when we made the decision to have me stop working to stay at home and raise our little munchkins. All of these moments of Courage while trembling at the "what if?" What if I don't ____________ ???...fill in the blank. For me the what if comes with the fear of parenting, relationships, my new career at staying home and raising these babies. I've stepped out of a home I've known and loved longer than any place I've ever lived, left a job I know and practically a whole family of people I grew to love from working with for 9 years and all of this change is scary. Finishing writing a book about a woman who couldn't finish it herself but the message still needs to reach someone in the world out there. Beginning my new job that I know so little about. Throw me a car question and I can have it answered in seconds...throw me a parenting question and I'm gonna have to get back to you in 20 years. I'm just gonna say it because someone has to. It is scary! All of it! But if I don't step out and do it then who will? And if or when I fail...because there will be days like that- won't I be humbled and learn more by facing the world with it rather than hiding away and never having tried or said or given of myself to any of these things? Maybe some of these things don't affect you the same way they do me but I want to be the person of Courage in life. I know full well, every time that someone won't appreciate it, back me up or agree. I know that I will fall sometimes and look up with mud on my face and a lot of people will see. But I want to be the person that gets back up and tries again, still proclaiming that I will succeed. I think any time we say out loud what we know may not go over well, or we walk down a road that we may be blazing on our own for the first time, we step out and step up and we face the inevitable pain or grief that is bound to come with any decision we walk out the true meaning of Courage! This one rings through to my heart... Joshua 1:9 New International Version (NIV) 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” I wish more of us could have the Courage to face whatever it is we need to and know that in doing so we've just become better for it! This world doesn't need more conformers, more people wishing they'd had said or done but never actually having lived that life they've wished. This world needs more now than ever Courageous people! After all isn't life too short for anything less than giving of ourselves for the betterment of another? So live your life to the fullest, enjoy each moment and embrace the tough ones because those are what grow you and make your life more rich. Celebrate this life as often as possible, daily preferably. Finally, take every chance to be a person of Courage! Stand up and speak up for what you believe in, what you love, what is right and what you want. Then don't be just a person of words but be the person of action that shows their Courage with Honor, Integrity and Honesty! Live a life worth being proud of and one that you look back with more good thoughts and cherished moments than regrets. Thanks for reading and many blessings on you and yours~ Sarah Renee'

Always An Upside

Well I realized it's been way too long since I wrote so hoping this helps. Since my last post many good things have come about which by now most of you will know. We've had a lot better weather. I'm talking fabulous weekends full of sunshine and although storms can be fun to watch they are not fun to walk through and I don't know about you but I for one have had enough storms for one year. I'm ready for the sunshine now.
The really great news is that through terrible times and unimaginable nightmares you find yourself somehow walking through it seems that God always brings about more life and more goodness despite what's been lost. We are expecting our newest addition to our family this November and we are very excited for this. Plus Shay is at a stage right now where this mama ;) sees how good it will be for her to already be learning to "share" and "play nicely with others" and "not hit". So as our work is definately cut out for us I am looking forward to having more to our family! Let the adventures begin! Our family is growing.
Our debt is also decreasing! We made a very tough decision last month to sell our SUV. We had an opportunity to be done with payments and used this to get closer to our goal of being almost debt free. We are so excited! 1 studentl loan down, 1 car loan scratched off the list, and besides our house 2012 is looking great to become more debt free than ever before. Thank you God!
So that is my update on the upside for now. Have a fantastic weekend!
Thanks for reading!

~Sarah

Tips for torrential downpour days:

Tip #1: Instead of looking at the umbrella before leaving your car actually grab it and use it!

Tip#2: If you must eat lunch out try and pick a place that has a drive thru window to avoid yet again being pelted by sideways rain. But if you can't then it's a must to pick your favorite yummy warm food:)

Tip#3: When the rain lets up would be a good time to do your running of errands rather than the most inopportune of times during previously mentioned- sideways rain and 100mph winds (or so it feels).

Tip#4: Use both hands when driving in this torrential downpour despite how adventurous you may feel splashing through the "high water" signed areas one-handed at 45+mph;) you can indeed lose control and be swept off the road into a chocolate brown sea of mystery and if there are no other Ford's around to pull you out of this mess...well then...don't expect the passing Prius to do so...you will be stuck my friend.

Tip#5: this should really be mentioned as tip#1 advising that before you leave the house for the day make sure to throw something into your slow cooker so that you don't have to even think about making dinner after you wade back in from the day. We will be having Slow Cooker Chicken and Dumplings and this is the first time using this recipe.

Tip#6: If you don't have to leave the house this is an excellent time to listen to the storm outside while spring cleaning inside. This way when or if we should ever see the sun shine again you can actually get outside to enjoy it rather than have a list of To-Do's waiting for you.

Tip#7: If you really need more ideas of how to spend a rainy day;) then bake something like yummy delicious cinnamon rolls or get rid of clothes you haven't warn in over a year and donate them to a family who could use them. Conquering either of these events leaves you feeling very accomplished and gives your house a great smell or has you feeling freer (is that even a word) with more closet space and less clutter. Oh how I need to de-clutter right after I bake!

Tip#8: Attempt at least a 30 minute workout of some kind even if that is just breaking a sweat over cleaning a bathtub or mopping a floor :) If you would like any suggestions for an excruciating, wonderful, good time try out the Insanity workout. We started this in my house but with flu/cold season that wouldn't leave us alone we fell a little behind.

Tip#9: Change your sheets....or maybe I'm turning this into my to-do list :0) but tell me what is better than clean, good smelling sheets to crawl into bed to and fall asleep to the rain.

Tip#10: If you are single, enjoy your You-time, grab your favorite blanket and get lost in a good book or the new episode of The Missing with Ashley Judd on tonight at 8pm.
If you are married enjoy your family, maybe still grab that favorite blanket and start reading a good book together or snuggle to the new episode of The Missing :) .....then again if you're not in a snuggling mood and need you time refer to the first suggestion for You-time.

Whatever your day looks like and whatever you do just make sure to tell someone you love them... and thank someone for what they've given to you.


Thank you for reading and for your patience as I'm completely having fun with being new to blogging and have no idea what I'm doing but determined to learn all I can and enjoy it along the way :)


Have a blessed day

~Sarah

How It Began

"Mommy can you rewind Pinnochio? I want to watch it again pleeeaaasse..." My mom was busy with dishes and making dinner and thought it strange that I want to watch the movie over again but she granted my wishes knowing it would occupy me long enough to finish with her duties. "Mommy I want Jesus in my heart, will you help me?" "Sarah what made you decide you want Jesus in your heart now?" said my mother. "I don't want to end up like Pinnochio in the whale's tummy. I want Jesus in my heart to protect me" replied my 4 year old self. Trying to not laugh too noticeably since this was indeed a serious matter to save me from any future of being eaten by whales my sweet mom said "Well then let's pray together and ask Jesus to come into your heart and be with you always. Repeat after me honey....Dear Jesus..." and in the softest little voice, determined to keep up with this very important prayer I repeated my mother's words and that was the first time I experienced faith into life.

There are those moments in life where the darkness is all you can see, where the waves keep crashing over you and all you are hoping for is the split second to come where the sun peaks above the horizon again.....the waves calm and peace is completely surrounding you. The moment that you anticipate every morning when you wake up or in the midst of every storm that comes your way. You have no promise or surity, just the faith that says "The sun will rise again and the waves will calm".

My absolute favorite verse and probably so because it has been my lighthouse throughout life this promise...this constant. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen Hebrews 11:1 We cannot see the sun before it rises but we have faith that it will rise and we will see the next morning. We cannot feel the light breeze or peace, but instead the heavy winds slapping and rain pouring down in storms and yet we somehow know...we hold to faith... that soon the storm will calm and soon we will have peace again.

Many other moments have happened since that first one that continued showing me faith that was spun right up into my life like a beautiful web. Watching as my father walked out of our lives and has chosen to have nothing to do with us, the faith that rose up in knowing that I have a heavenly father who loves me more than I can ever imagine and feeling that love on a daily basis. Watching as my friend-my mother in law took her last breath and walked into the arms of love, how beautiful that moment truly was even in the sadness of saying goodbye. Watching as my mother's eyes danced that last day together only to suddenly have lost her so fast just hours later. In each moment the sun has always risen the very next day and I have faith that it will continue to.

This life I have been given is nothing more than a pure gift. Where I have been blessed with my amazing husband who leads and loves like a strong tower over me and where I have the love of a beautiful child who calls me "Mama". This is a comprise of my passions, thoughts, fears, hopes and stories...all real... faith into life moments.

Thanks for reading and be blessed~

~Sarah Renee'